I've always had a feeling of being different. Not the typical "everyone is unique", but that I really am different. A passage from the above link,
Psychosis is a psychiatric term, and describes experiences, such as hearing or seeing things or holding unusual beliefs, which other people don’t see or share. During a psychotic experience, your thoughts may jump around very quickly, and so you may find it difficult to voice them in a way that others can understand. For many people, these experiences can be highly distressing and disruptive, interfering with everyday life, with normal conversations, with having ordinary relationships, and finding or keeping a job.This is it. I thought psychosis was a broad psychiatric term, not a precise diagnosis.
For the sake of my thoughts being put on the internet and that this blog is open to the public, I will not share the thoughts that would fall under the category "unusual beliefs". I do not want to be subjected to the unknowns of what the internet could give. I have a lot of thoughts that many people would see as.....odd, as a "why would you see it like that? seriously? you don't see what's wrong with that? And I don't. I really truly don't see what's wrong with it. This sort of reaction is only furthering my sensation of feeling different.
Since I've started my new medication, I feel like I can think a little clearer. Words aren't so hard to find but still difficult. I am hoping he increases it next time I see him. Hopefully it can only get better with more medication. Hopefully.
Now, I do realize that psychosis can deal with hearing voices and I have realized that delusions, hearing voices seeing things can fall under this term too. The unusual beliefs can be that you are royalty, when you clearly are not. Or that you can talk to god. These are not the type of beliefs I have. I know that the examples I've given are bogus. Silly. I suppose the type of beliefs I have are more like I don't see why most of society sees this as wrong.... I don't see why a certain situation could possibly be so bad etc. I KNOW there is scientific evidence behind things and such, but I still just don't get it. Grr....this is so hard to get across. So hard to say.
Here too.
If you're autistic, your needs are mostly the same as anyone else (food, shelter, security) but you may have some unique twists. For example, you may have allergies, or be sensitive to the flicker of fluorescent lights, or be unable to wear wool clothes because the feel of the fibers drives you crazy.
You may believe your own communication problems will be reduced if the people around you are willing to change their style of engagement to accommodate you, or you may ask that they excuse some of your expressions, which might otherwise be offensive or unacceptable.
I have been so picky about clothes since I've been born. I would stretch my clothes on my bed post in the morning. They would be too tight, too restricting. I would have panic attacks and not be able to wear what other people could wear. I didn't wear my first pair of jeans till I was in 5th grade. I didn't wear a bra, even when I needed one, till I was in 8th grade. I hated how they constricted me, how it was too tight. When I lifted up my leg in my jeans, I didn't want the jean pant leg to touch my leg and hold me back. I felt claustrophobic in it. I hated my childhood for that reason solely.
I've been told that my face shows expression, much more than my words. That my face has a mind of its own. Even if my brain hadn't reacted to a situation, my face would. That was bad. Last year in college, some of my floormates got offended by a face I did when I didn't even know I did. I didn't understand. I had to become conscious about my face and how I was expressing myself when it should just become natural. That sucks.
Do I have an autism spectrum disorder? I can't voice my words and I have a hard time dealing with emotions in the right way. Maybe I do. I don't know. I just want a label so I can know, learn to deal with it, and move on.
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