Broken

I have been on the verge of tears for the past week. My mind gets ahead of me when I think about things, like school, my cat, or money.

This morning I was woken up to the sound of Luna hacking something up, she's been doing that a bit lately and i think it's a hairball (hopefully). She's been straining at the litterbox too and there has been blood in her poop. I don't know what to do. I started thinking worst case scenario and how I would be able to pay for things, but I can't especially with rent that's due today, but I can't really pay it till friday when I get paid again. What would I do? would I have them do surgery on Luna? What if she needed to be put down? What the fuck would I do? So I woke up, took my pill and gave her some hairball goo to lick off her paws.

I've been sick since this past Friday. Seems like every time I get sick, I need to go to the doctor for something or another. I can never just be sick and get better. Fucking hate being sick. I can't pay for a doctor visit if I am getting worse, so do I just suffer? I realize that my past doctor visit for something that wasn't "a yearly check up or preventative" was $69! How the fuck am I supposed to pay that? How is anyone supposed to pay that? My mom says, "just pay it and give me the receipts to reimburse you". Yea, great. I don't have that money in my account to pay it though.

I''m annoyed to shit at my psychiatrist that isn't doing shit. He has the rep of being a great fucking psych and I have yet to see that. So, my questions for him after a 2 month waiting period:
- I've been feeling very anxious, on edge, irritable, racing thoughts. I've talked it through with my therapist and she thinks it's disphoric mania. Am I bipolar?
- If I'm bipolar, can I be put on a mood stablizer? I think 2 months is a long time to wait inbetween med changes.
- Give him therapist card and get a PLAN going for how I'm supposed to get better when he won't fucking help me get tested. I want answers and I want them now. I am sick of being disrespected by being rushed out of appointments and not feeling like he's taking care of me when my insurance and I are paying him a good amount of change.
- When can I get tested, I have a life to live and that involves schooling and I'd like to know so I can move the fuck on.

Seriously for the like past 2 months I don't know what has happened, but my ability to function has gone down the drain. I can't concentrate, I think things too much and that leads to over analyzation of things and then I start panicking. I just want to be mentally stable. Please. I want to stop crying for no reason. Yes, I think some of it could be situational but some of it is definitely mental. This mental pain is some of the worst feeling pain I have felt.