Empty

Went to Ohio, and I had an amazing time. I got sick, but as selfish as it sounds I would rather have spent my spring break down there sick, than at home and healthy. He took such good care of me, in every way. I mean, when I got there he had candles, and was going to massage me and he did it to my favorite song. It was pretty damn special, not something he would just do everyday. He got me shoes that were my favorite color, he brought me dinner and dessert when I was sick, he got me medicine when I couldn't breathe, he took me places just to walk around and touch things, he let me play with his chest hair and he took care of things like my car or my gift card that didn't work. It was amazing, just simply amazing to have someone take care of you like that. Fuck, I miss him so fucking much.

I just want to be with him, to wake up to him everyday and to have our own place. I want that. I am scared though. His profession would be in law enforcement and I am scared that one night he won't come home. I don't know what I would do with myself. I'm scared because I don't know if I'll pass college; what if I lose my FinAid???? I can't go to college then! It's not like I'm even a bad student, I don't go to parties and I do my work. What if I don't get a job in Ohio? This economy sucks and I can't just move there and not work. I don't want to work in retail either while the economy is fixing itself out. He seems so set and I'm so unsure. I'm so scared for that. SO scared. I would hate to have it end up wrong. I have so much to work on to get set for life after college (that is if I make it). No, optimistic attitudes don't do shit for me. In a way, I'm just angry. Angry that some people here are upset because their boyfriends don't go to the same school as them and they only get to see eachother on the weekends. Boo fucking hoo. Y'know how hard it is to wait months before you see the person you feel like you can't live without? To live 430 miles apart and only one of you has a car? Fuck, I mean, me and him have only see eachother in person about 8 times. Each time for about a week. Yeah, I could pick someone else, closer by and whatever but I don't want to. I choose to complain because some idiots don't know what it really is like to not see the person you love for a while. Oh well, I'm willing to wait and so is he. I just have to keep my head up. Love you hun.