Punch

Ittttttt's Friday and I am relaxing. I've been working hard, at least it feels like I have on a paper and whatnot. I am having a SERIOUS case of senioritis and just want to get the fuck outta here. I'm actually watching Wife Swap on Lifetime and my god, what a mesmerizing show. The one that I'm watching this very instant is with an artisy fartsy, environmentalist, vegetarian, "I'm gunna have my own room for my art, while my three kids have to share one room", type of person. The other wife lives for her children while they ride motorcycles and have no other free time, living out of hotels most of the year. I am a lot like the environmentalist (obviously), I'm selfish like her, and I pretty much love the earth. However, having her damn children, in one room, is a litttttttle crazy. Clearly that family wasn't ready to have kids.

There is a tornado watch out right now. My nervousness spiked when I heard it. Immediatlely, I started looking around the room to see what I would take if the sirens went off and we needed to take cover. Is that bad? I don't know, I've just always been terrified of tornadoes. Now, I am not as bad as I have been when I was younger. Back then, I was ridiculous; scurrying around the house, getting all the animals in the basement, getting food and blankets down there. As if this was all a bombing during a war. I was a mess as a child. Damn. I think I've loosened up. I'm trying really hard to become a better person, not through religion but through self-experience, self expression, lots of thinking and opening my mind up to different ways of thinking from others. I do think that all the thinking that I do I see from as many angles that I can think of. I don't just think of the same thing over and over. When I hear a different point of view, I dwell on that and try to REALLY see where they are coming from and try to understand it and make it as if it almost wouldn't bother me. I am trying so hard.

So, I just read on my ex's facebook that this ugly bitch is flirting with him already. I feel sick to my stomach. I know I need to get over it, but holy shit, my blood is boiling. I told him to not talk to me until he knows what he wants to say/wants. I am jealous =( I don't want to be. Maybe she could make him happier than I did.=\

Still hurts that I can't see him over my birthday, as much as it wouldn't help anything. This whole thing is just adding to my hatred of life. I have something that I love so much and never want to go away annnnnd it turns to the worse possible thing. Just awesome.


I feel like crying. Still.