More ranting and complaining

I have no idea what to do anymore. I am soooooo sick of the same shit that he keeps telling me. Why break up with me, tell me such things, promising me a better future, and then go and not talk to me for a fucking day and after me probing for answers, finally tells me the same shit all over again. WhatTheFuck. I am just so hurt and pissed right now. I want to scream or just call everything off. I'm sooooo grrrrrr, just fucking pissed off. I really, truly thought that things would be different after he said those things. Once again, I believed him. This is a broken fucking record.

I tend to just fuck things up, unintentionally of course. Can't pass school, can't get over the past, can't control my moods, can't control my anxiety. I feel like I zero control of things.

I went to Starbucks with my mom, and read out loud a paper article thing. I realize that I can't really read out loud =\ I struggle over words, stutter, lose my place and when I read aloud, I read the words, but I'm not comprehending any of it. Anyone else get this? I feel pathetic, I really do. I feel like a burden on the people around me. I have no idea how people tolerate me or are even my friends. I can't stand myself, how could they??

I'm sick of school, sick of loans, sick of not having money, sick of living at home, sick of other people. I just want to get out of here, out of school, and get my own place and have a job and get into a routine. I think that would ease my anxiety and mood even.. I have no idea who would hire me. My resume is NOT impressive, I don't have people skills, I don't have experience, I'm allergic to animals and I have a hard time getting acclimated to new situations.


Whatever. Screw this