punch continued

So today is just an off day. It started to thunderstorm and it's been so peaceful. I love this. I hadn't been sleeping well the past couple of days due to homework, so I took a nap. I wanted to keep going, but I knew I wouldn't fall asleep later. Oh well, I guess I can actually look forward to going to bed once again.

My mom and dad are visiting me tomorrow, not at the same time though. It weird, I don't know what EXACTLY changed, but ever since I wrote her that email, I now feel I can tell her anything. And I mean ANYTHING. It's a different feeling, I'm still getting used to it.

I want to be respected. I want my body, my views, and my beliefs to be respected. Not just by a guy, but by everyone. Some people's philosophy is you have to earn respect, well, why can't you just give it and go on with your life. Just be a decent fucking person and we wouldn't have a lot of issues, assholes.

I was talking to my friend Carrie, and I have come to really realize that I don't know who I am. I have been on medication for SO long, I don't know what I'm like without them. What people know of me now, is medicated Beth, not au natural Beth. And truth be told, I'm not ready to find out what I'm like off pills. I don't want to end up back in the hospital; the timing would just be awful. I would like to some day though. Not cause I thinks it's wrong, but because it costs a buttload of money, and the side effects aren't that totally cool. Also, if I go on a new psychiatric medication, do I really know if it's working? Could be a whole CRAP load of factors that could make it work (or not). I just don't know.

I rode the bus around, after I read that thing about my ex. I had to clear my head; I was so pissed off. Shed a tear or two.

hteb