*sigh*

I'm scared he's moved on. I know I haven't.

I went out to the bars last night. I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I mean, I did, but I saw all these couples kissing and groping and I wanted that to be me and him. I still sleep with the sweatshirt and boxers. I don't want to consider myself single, I want him to be mine and I want me to be for him.

Sometimes I'm scared about what he tells others about why we broke up. It's almost that I'm hoping this is a phase, and that it'll pass in time. I am praying for it. He would have to say verbally, directly, not beating around the bush that he's done with the lifestyle and wants to be with me and only me and will give all of his attention to me, like I was to him. We never really even got to go out to the bars, at night and just have that sort of scene. I thought we were doing OK, but I guess it was just a cover-up for the pain he was feeling. I feel so sorry/sad for him. I honestly, just want him to be happy and he really does deserve a good person.

What the hell am I going to do? I'm sick of blogging about this shit; it's the same fucking thing over and over, and for my readers, if I have any...I am sorry.

I can't imagine myself being with anyone else.