him

It's getting harder and harder as I realize I will never see him again. That beautiful face, those lips and strong hands. I miss him so fucking much. In fact, I'm crying as I type this. Everything reminds me of him and random bouts of crying throughout the day isn't a way to be. I still have his sweatshirt, boxers, and shirt. I cried into his sweatshirt last night, it didn't help. I will never see him again. I feel like my life is crumbling before me. With him, I had things planned out; I could see a future with him. Stupid me, with my fucked up brain had to screw it all up once again. I love him so FUCKING much and it kills me, absolutely kills me knowing he's not mine. Even the thought of him kissing, holding, touching another girl makes me sad and pissed off. Who's going to put lotion on my feet? Walk me around grocery stores when I'm nervous? Who's going to eat ice cream with me and hand feed me? Where am I going to find someone that'll look me in the eyes when we make love? I just want him back. I don't want anyone else. He's the first person that I could definitely say that I'd save before a tiger.
What am I going to do with all the pictures on my computer? all the movie stubs I've saved? the presents you've given me? What do I do with those? I don't want to forget you, I don't want to move on.
Who else would come to Wisconsin to be at my mom's ceremony?

I'm so sorry for hurting his feelings; for being something that he got sick of. I never wanted this to happen. Ever.

Silly girl, you fell so hard.

Who is going to make me banana pancakes at 4 a.m.? Who am I going to go to get my pedicures done with? Who can tolerate me more than anyone I know? Who else is going to make fun of my accent?

I love this man so much. I can honestly say I've never been in love with a person like I have with him. When we're together, you can tell we are a great couple. I love his family, they are so down to earth and real. I am going to miss them so much. I'm still in shock with the fact that I will never, ever see them again. What was I thinking?

Beth