Coincidences?

Alright, some of you may not believe in astrology and mystical crap. I'm pretty indifferent about it. If it goes too much into depth with it, it gets a little retarded.



Now, I am a cancer. I am in love with the water and anyone that knows me, knows that I am pretty damn moody and emotional. To the earth, I am very caring and very in tune with it (at least in my eyes. Supposedly, cancers are protective and caring of people closest to them, particularly family. Given my circumstances, I find it hard to believe this. Now, if I change people to animals, then yes, easily. (Disclaimer: my boyfriend is the exception, along with some other very close friends)

I guess the meaning of this post was that I find it pretty interesting and who knows after all?



Went the the Geology Museum today. I know, I know, sounds really fucking lame. I was surprised at how interesting it was. Then again, I am a huge nerd and love old things. My god, some of the rocks and fossils they had in there. Holy shit. The thought of something in front of you that is 50+ million years old. Granted, I know that the rocks below our feet are old too. But knowing the exact era or if it has fossils, makes it just that much more interesting. I feel so insignificant in the span of time on earth. Almost as if I can't make a difference because things change in a million years anyway. Most of the fossils and bones were not replicas or casts. There were dinosaur bones there, my god, my mouth just opened so wide when I walked into that room. If you have the time, go and check it out. I HIGHLY recommend it.

Still no word from my mom. I guess this may be true for the fact that I do care about my family (which is hard for me. I just miss her I guess. I don't see how she can go 2 weeks without talking to me after I think I did a damn god job responding to her through email. I would really like her to start being a mom, and not a person to go to just for problems. I want her to take initiative.


I don't know. I feel like I am here on the earth to do something. I don't want to sound cooky, but I almost feel I'm here to warn people. With my panic attacks about the world ending and it being 2012 and that whole shabang, it seems a little creepy to me. Kinda like the world is pretty much going to end while I'm alive and that I'm here thinking it and feeling it and everyone else doesn't know. It's the strangest feeling. I'm rereading this and I must sound insane.


So, I just looked at my phone and saw that my ex texted me with "Guess who applied and leaving for Arizona State University? hell yes I am!". WHY MUST HE FUCKING TALK TO ME STILL! I've tried ignoring him, I've tried telling him off and I've tried blocking his number on my phone. For some odd reason I can't block his number through my provider. I just don't want him to ever talk to me again. EVER. I hate him so much. SO much. I wish so many bad things upon him. I hope every aspect of his life, suffers till they die. FUCK he pisses me off.

I just want my life to be stable in most aspects. I want to live somewhere and stay there, have a job, have a bf/husband, and start living that life rather than battling school, a job, a bf in a different state, money, and a fucked up family.

I'm waiting to sign up for my room assignment for next school year. I really REALLY hope I can get a single room. I am SO worried about it. I want a single room, facing the lake for my final year (hopefully). Actually, if I can't come back next year, I guess I don't have to worry about it. I am so scared of my future.=( I tried last year to get a single room and according to them, they were all filled up on the exact time I could sign up. I was sooo angry. Right now, I'm a senior living in a double room with a sophomore. I feel absolutely ridiculous for living in the dorms first of all, AND to be rooming with someone. This situation is ludicrous.

I really need to learn to just not worry so much. I just don't know how. I've never been not worried.

Friday I head home and I couldn't be happier. Going back to at least one thing that loves me, Luna.


I have so much hope and yet I feel hopeless.


Beth